Sunday, March 8, 2015

7.269 Walking Imperfections

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Whenever I feel like I don't want to go through the hassle of blogging, I look back at my old posts and remember why I do it: for the memories. Sometimes when I'm typing, I think that my posts aren't making that much of an impact; but after some time has passed, I realize that they all capture everything I wanted to convey perfectly. My blog is like an open diary/scrapbook- but better. It takes the best of both worlds and wraps it into one. That's why I love blogging so much.

As I was browsing, I came across this really interesting read about love that really hit it home for me. It's called "Love Is Passionate: If You’ve Never Fought, You’re Not Really In Love". Why did it hit home for me? Here are some phrases that can probably explain it better than I can:

- "Things always seem ideal in the beginning, but inevitably turn ugly at one point or another."
- "The person you love with all your heart becomes your verbal punching bag."
- "The second you consider the possibility that you’re making a mistake being with the person you’re with, arguments will definitely ensue."
- "True love is not blind. It sees the imperfections, the flaws, the mistakes — and accepts them."
- "We destroy the beautiful thing we were lucky enough to get a chance to create — and for what? Some fairytale of what we believe love ought to be?"
- "If you believe love to be the entirely otherworldly thing most people believe it to be, you’ll find that love will fall short again and again."

There are a lot more phrases in the article that really stood out to me, but I think the above touches all the right points. It's a really good read so I highly recommend reading the whole article to get a better understanding of it.

I know on my blog it may seem like my life is all daisies and sunshine, but sometimes my life isn't like that at all, and that goes for my relationship with the Mister too. I typically try to stay positive and look on the brighter side so that I don't dwell on negativity and trivial things. However, there was a period in time when the Mister and I were constantly bickering and fighting. Sometimes it got so bad that we both thought we would never make it through. When I read this article, it just hit everything that I remember feeling at that time.

I come from a family with very high expectations when it comes to relationships and men. I too believed in them, that is, until I met the Mister. He's a great man and I'm very lucky to have found him- but that wasn't realized without some hesitation. When I started to develop feelings for him, the voice in the back of my mind questioned if he was "good enough" for me. I had a list; and in my mind he did not yet qualify in all of them- something I would later learn that no one in this world could fulfill because it's a list next to impossible. I wanted it all, and if someone couldn't abide by my demands then that meant he wasn't good enough for me. That was the kind of mentality I had because that was how I was raised to believe. Compromise was out of the picture.

So, as the relationship progressed and the honeymoon phase was over, the voice in the back of my mind got louder and stronger until I could ignore it no more. It was then I started to consider whether or not I was settling, and if I had made a mistake by choosing to be with him. I kept focusing on the things he lacked instead of thinking about what he has to offer. I tried to convince myself that the cons outweighed the pros without any consideration toward what he could be capable of accomplishing in the future.

It was through this kind of thinking that got us fighting like cats and dogs. All of this because I questioned our relationship, our love, what we built together, looking for the next "high". I eventually rose above my list and came to realize how much love the Mister has given me, continues to give me, and will give me no matter what. Through all the fights and some self reflection, I learned the definition of love and what it means to love. Although the Mister pretty much hits all of the important things I'm looking for in a man, there were a lot of small insignificant things I was overly critical on. No one is perfect, and neither am I.

And while I agree that there are occasions when Love Is Not Enough, one has to look at the bigger picture and really think about whether or not the relationship has any room for compromise. Sure it would be nice if the person you're with fits everything you're looking for right then and there, is perfect in every possible way, and they don't do anything that may irritate you once in a while. But life is not perfect. We are not perfect. We are walking imperfections and we need to realize that we don't live in a fairytale. Don't ruin something that needn't be ruined, don't fall short of love.

"If you believe love to be the entirely otherworldly thing most people believe it to be, you’ll find that love will fall short again and again." -Paul Hudson